Is the Difference Possible?

The last several years were very challenging for me and full of changes. This year especially. I don't mean that the changes were bad, but of course they caused me some problems and troubles. Recently I've got really inspired by some people who do so many things for making themselves better, as well as the whole world. So the question I wanted to ask was - is the difference really possible? I mean, could we really find the motivation for ourselves to change, find the courage and the reasons to do something for this world, other people and make it a better place. I need to confess here, that I have a lot of fears, here I mean not the ones like - I'm afraid of the hight, or the depth, etc., I mean the fears for changes. What we all think of first, and me as well, when we want to take a first step towards fulfilling our dream, or changing something in our life, would be - Can I really do it? Is it safe? What will my family/husband/wife/friends, etc say? Then come the What if questions - what if I fail? What if the life I have is the best I could ever get? What if I'll be alone? All those questions are very natural, but let's admit - they all keep us away from LIVING our life! I don't say we should risk everything for nothing or for something that is not important for us. But if you really feel like changing something in your life - why not start doing it? It won't be easy or fast, it will check your courage and will, it will bring you against some of your friends and even members of the family, but if you really need to change your life, the only thing you should think of is - this is the only life you'll have, at least having your personality and consciousness (if you believe inn reincarnation). Of course some goals and some changes won't be easy, especially if you have a family: husband/wife, children, you are responsible not only for your life  but also for theirs, so the decisions are not completely yours. But let's admit - in many cases we DO can change some things but we are either too afraid or too lazy to do it. So my message here is for encouraging you to live the life you want, and also for encouraging me to follow my dream and not sell it for teh illusion of safety and comfort. 


If you like any of the posts I have here, I'd like to read some of the comments or to have a discussion, it all means a lot to me.

Mistakes?

Have you ever felt like you've made a big mistake? And after that comes the feeling of regret? Probably each of us have been in that place. I thought about writing it because this is a mistake I've made long ago but it still influences me in a way. I won't go deep into details but let's say it caused me a lot of pain and a lot of time to heal my wounds a bit. It was a mistake in a relationship anyway. The problem about making a mistake is not the action itself but the consequences you get. It's like in my case - the consequences were my inner conflicts and unpleasant emotions. What I've learnt from it is that the hardest thing is to forgive yourself. No really, it seems so easy but it is not. My mind tells me that it was not only my fault and that I have had excuses but it doesn't really help me, you know. Another thing that I've learnt - if you don't want to do something or are not sure about it - better don't do it. Very often we get influenced by someone who's pressing on us saying - this is a right thing, everyone does/should do it, come on - there's no problem. But there IS a problem if you don't feel like doing/not doing something. So now I am guided by my own feelings - if I'm not sure about something I'd better wait till I find out than make another mistake. On the other hand, mistakes are necessary - we can learn on them. It's just so difficult sometimes to live with them or to forgive other people and yourself first of all. But the most important thing is to remember about those mistakes, learn from them and don't make them again. In this case it can be a positive thing about it and we won't have that much unpleasant moments after it.

A poem

I want to share my poem with you. It's the first one written in English (it's not my native language). Anyway, I want to give it a try and write it here. I don't know the title of it yet, any suggestions will be appreciated:

The crying sky gives birth to a lovely rain

 This is the time when you shouldn't wait

 Why do we often feel so helpless?

 Sometimes the words are really needless

 Dear rain, wash the anguish away

 That's not easy to do, nor to say

 But if there's a storm out-of-doors

 It means we face the inner wars

 Please put together the pieces of soul

 So that the heart doesn't feel all alone

 And make my universe survive

 Through all the storms, and don't let die

 Because the faith and hope remain

 Don't let them disappear in vain

 So when it rains I feel so good

 It can improve my fallen mood

 And every water-drop that flies

 Brings ever higher to the skies

 So I can say - the day will come

 When the rainbow won't fall down.

Coming back

So, I've made up my mind to make a tattoo (the one above). It's not just my whim... I've been thinking about it for a long time. On the one hand that's something I want to do, on the other hand my parents (especially my Mom) are against it and I was also afraid that it's forbidden by religion. Another point for me was health issues. At the end of the day I made up my mind on the following:
1) I won't tell my parents because they won't understand that and also because I don't want them to feel nervous or bad (unawareness can be good to a certain degree);
2) There are several passages in Bible that are usually taken as something against tattoos, but there are others that can be understood as supportive of some special marks on the body. So I decided that my body was given to me and I have some right for it, so the tattoo won't change my personality or my character and will have no actual impact on my soul or my spiritual life.
3) The health issues that can be caused by a tattoo. That was a big question to me. At the end I hope that the master that will make a tattoo is a good one (I believe she is). Apart from that there is, of course, some kind of risk, but the same one is even when you are doing your manicure,  so there risk is present always.

The point that I'm making is: I don't know how it all will be in the future- whether my parents find out or not, whether it will be fine or not, but at the point I think I'm pretty sure about it because it's worth risking. The symbol means a lot not only for Hindus, but also for people who are trying to develop and follow their spirituality. By this I mean that this symbol being on my body will always help me remember why I've done it and what I want to keep with it - my spirituality, connection with the Universe and myself. Let's hope I'm not making any mistake:-)

My Crossroad

Have you ever felt like being on the crossroad? I think I'm going through this period now.  I'd better call it the religious crossroad. I think I just have too many questions to ask and almost no answers. I should also add here that religion and faith are very different things, no matter how strange it may sound to some people. Lately I've noticed that I really try to find my way in this question, to find my way on this huge crossroad. But it seems that all the roads are closed with very thick and heavy veils. And to get even a bit closer to this veil may take a lot of time. And I want not only to get there but look behind this veil, to see what's  really closed from our eyes there. I think we've lost something very important. We are so much into some kind of rituals and words and we forgot about the feelings that were so important in ancient times. I mean the spiritual experience, feelings and emotions that peole learn while trying to find their way to God. And here I want to clean that I'm not looking for the name of the God - be it Jesus, Mohammad, Buddha, Krishna, or any other. I'm looking for the real communication, understanding and realizing of these things. I don't know if I ever be able to cross the line and to put aside the veil, but I'll try to do it, I'll do my best.

The cinema

Cinema plays such a great role in our lives. i think it may be because  it brings us some other reality where beautiful and smart people live and where there is always someone who comes and saves the day no matter what. it's tempting. it's like a fairy-tale come true. it is something that can make us smile or cry, love or hate, feel compassion or disgust. it's an instrument to make  us feel alive. it's funny how little attention we pay to the quality of the films that we or the children watch. we often forget that they learn how to behave and what to do watching the films. there should be at least some sense and some lessons in those. many films  have great budgets but they are absolutely empty and dead. be careful what you watch not to be empty inside.

Random

Sometimes some bad thoughts come to your mind. You try to find the reason, some sense in your life, waking up every morning and going to work. And what if there's no sense in it. Our Ego doesn't allow us to imagine that the world without us will do perfectly well, just as it has done before. But we always try to find a meaning, some unique sense, a mission that only we can accomplish. There just have to be a mission...Sure.
And what if the sense is just to enjoy your life and try to help other people enjoy it too. Foe example, your support, help, understanding and love can make a great change, though these are some simple and unfortunately so underestimated things. Or just a simple smile to a person when it seems that everyone else has turned their back and walked away from this person. When you see that the darkness is all around you, try to find a source of light. And it doesn't matter if it's the light of a torch or of a match. Doesn't matter at all...